swim > library > farrer park to meet billy and claire > cineleisure with claire > bumped into edwin and friend> met up with germaine and & brigid > germaine's house > kfc > home
“The feeling of losing someone so close to you, the feeling of someone you love so much, just drifting away from you? That desperate feeling to cry every night because things aren’t the same anymore. The feeling of being so happy when you’re with that certain person, but to them, its like “oh ok, we’re out to grab some dinner”. The feeling when they lay down on your lap to sleep, and no matter how tedious is it, no matter how tired you are, no matter how much you want to wake them up so that you both can talk, you don’t. Because you want to capture the moment of peace and silence, where you can just gaze at his sleepy face, and feel the warmth and comfort of him being so close to you. Do you feel so insanely sad when everyday passes, and nothing seems to be different, and one day you look back and you realise that everything’s changed. Do you get upset when he has all the time in the world for his friends, and his games, but none for you? You’ve always been so uptight, so afraid of trusting people, and once anyone loses your trust, they lose you. But for him, its different, no matter how times he breaks his promises, you forgive him and hope that he’ll change. Do you remember how fast his texts used to come, and that crazy smile plastered on your face when you’re with him, or when you receive his texts? And now, you look at him, and realise the person that you once knew, has faded to someone else. Remember those times, your heart raced, whenever he was beside you? Those times, where you both could talk about anything and everything together, and you both would never be bored, and now he simply does not even have the patience to even listen to your problems anymore. The days where you yearn to see him in school, the days where you were sick and he came over to take care of you. Do you still remember those days? The days where you both would plan for your future, to marry, to have 2 children, travel around the world, a house and a pet dog? How you would get jealous when he talks to other girls. Whenever you both were hungry, you’ll be dressed in something so simple and plain, to go out together to get food, because you feel so comfortable with him. Those fights that’ll never last more than a day, and everytime you fight, the next day he’ll appear at your doorstep, to apologise and to tell you he loves you. How you would pull away when you’re upset and hurt, and he’ll pull you back closer and hug you real tight, and never let go. Those kisses on your forehead, assuring you he trusts you. How you both would cuddle up on the sofa to watch horror movies, and cartoons together for the whole afternoon, those sleepovers where you wake up to find yourself blissfully lying on his chest while he hugs you. Every little thought, every little action, they mean so much to me. Those mini keychains, the dates, the handwritten letters he gave to you, they mean so much. The surge of joy, and anticipation you get when he says he’s going over to your house, to see you. When you were so excited to introduce him to your parents because he was the first person you ever love so much. The time where you both promised to never change, and remain the same. Watching him play with your younger siblings, brings so much joy to you. How you would spend hours on the phone with him, without ever getting bored. The long birthday texts, the birthday dates, the movies, the kisses. Those were the days. Before he started being cold, before the late replies, the lack of attention and communication, the broken promises, having no time for you, taking you for granted, before he stopped making the effort. Now, you can’t help feeling that you’ll give anything to go back to those days. You’re not sure if his feelings has faded, but at the same time you pray so hard that they didn’t. Yet at the same time, you don’t know if you should let go, because if things were meant to be, they would be. But you know that if you ever let him go, you wouldn’t be able to stand the hurt and pain of doing so. You give in all the time, because you love him so much. You closed your heart, in fear of being hurt all over again. And you’re here hoping so hard, crying, telling yourself he’ll return back to who he used to be, and that he’ll always and always love you, and no matter how you try to run away or push him away, he’ll pull you back closer so that you won’t be able to leave, because you know that deep down your heart, he’s always been the one that you’re willing to sacrifice so much for. I guess they say love is complicated.”
"Wish i knew then, what i know now"
Fell so hopelessly and irrevocably in love with someone that in the end, gave up on me without a single fight put up to salvage the relationship. Always stood firm in my belief that everyone and everything is temporary and that i'd do good even without anyone. But when it comes to losing the person you love the most, it's a whole different story. So much time, effort, and love invested into someone that acted as if we weren't worth the fight. Really makes me wonder how easy i made it for people to walk in and out of my life, as and when they like, trample with my feelings and walk away just like that. I'm so lost for words i don't know what to say or do, the only thing i know is that this hurts. Seems like once you let someone have you, they start to take you for granted and sooner or later, they realize that they no longer need you since you're constantly by their side. Maybe ever since the start i was afraid that this would happen, swore to never change? Guess time did tell. Still hurts so much even though i saw it coming. Lesson learnt, never sacrifice too much for the more you love, the harder you'll fall when it fails you. I really hope my fortitude shall not fail me in the mean time.
"Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, it does not boast, it does not become conceited, it does not behave dishonorably, it is not selfish, it does not become angry, it does not keep a record of wrongs, it does not rejoice at unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But if there are prophecies, they will pass away. If there are tongues, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but whenever the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside the things of a child. For now we see through a mirror indirectly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know completely, just as I have also been completely known. And now these three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13