Try

It's back to December again, the time of the year where my mind holds most happy memories. This year has been a tough one for me, and i've can honestly say that i've learnt a lot this year, i've reached my lowest peak and it never fails to remind me of how much i screwed my year up. Its funny how different my life now is, compared to the previous years. Life has a way of taking away all the things and people you thought you had, time definitely taught me how to cherish and appreciate, however this harsh realisation came too late for me. I've grown so strong and so weak at the same time. Everything just boils down to the self hatred and disappointment i have for myself. Everyday i think back about my mistakes and i realized that i've fucked up and i can only blame myself and no one else. It's so tiring living in this misery and hoping that everyday will get better, when it only seems to get worst. Sometimes i wished i had amnesia, to forget all the pain. How can i learn to express myself when everything seems to be buried so deeply within myself? Do i continue to chase and hold on relentlessly or do i drop everything and walk off. Hope's scary in the way it has the ability to keep us sane but at the same time, blindly destroys us. I loved hard and i fell hard. Seems like i've learnt to live half a life.

Who can i blame? What can i say? When did my heart turned so cold and heavy? Guess the choices we make really defines who we are. 

♥