Happy birthday to you my bestfriend for 8 years. Thank you for everything, for comforting me when i was upset over him, thank you for accompanying me in the middle of the night all the way to clementi and whatever despite feeling unwell. Thank you for always being by my side, i still rmb our pri schl days, to and fro to school everyday, watching the grudge together, and and getting so scared of taking lifts, i still remember the last time i went to your house at redhill we saw this crazy woman who looked like she was taking drugs, fuck we were so scared back then HAHAHA. I have so many memories of us and i don't know how to begin, i remember how both you and weiling surprised me with a cake at my house last year. I hope you know that i love you so much even though we're all busy with our own lives. ♥
Ok, so i caught up with moonyoung recently because she's moving to Texas for good. Now that i think about it, we didn't get off at a right start and we used to hate each other so much, it's been four years and i will miss her when she migrates to Texas.. :( I remember she used to be such a bitch and i used to hate her guts so much cause she was so fucking childish back then, still is now HAHA. But at least less bitchy, and if i recalled correctly ever since she changed school, i was constantly worried for her and would send her texts telling her to not smoke so much or whatever hahah i guess thats how we managed to go thru all those months even if we're no longer in the same school. I swear my lower sec days was constantly spent hating on this bitch here HAHA seriously she was so terrible back then, but i'm glad she changed (personality wise). Would skype her when she was in korea and i'd spend the first 20 minutes of our late night phone calls laughing about absolutely nth??? LIKE SERIOUSLY i would be laughing for absolutely no reason?!
I can't go through another round of heartbreak anymore. I loved you just to realise i've lost everything i used to be. And it sucks because obviously i wasn't enough to make you stay. And i'm so sick of being left behind like i'm living on a thread, a drip. I'm torn between wanting to die and wanting to rewind, cus right now i don't know how i'm supposed to start over anew when everything and everybody reminds me of you, when my nights are spent on missing you, my days spent on pretending i don't need you. I want to rip the drip off my heart, but i'd die doing so, but i can't keep living on a drip, i'm half alive and you're living the life you always wanted. Free of commitment, free of love, free of obligations, responsibilities. You have every right to fuck around but why is it that in your reckless moments of fun, i'm always the one hurting behind the scenes. I don't know how to live through this, i don't want to live with it, the burden of the memories lying squarely on my shoulders. I value independence, while my friends tell me i just fear commitment. Maybe I don't fear commitment, i fear being committed to the wrong person. At times i feel like i miss you and everything we used to have, but sometimes when i see you, i no longer feel anything, my world used to revolve around you, but time changes things, you're no longer my world, but it still hurts when i think of you unexpectedly. The pain doesn't go away, thou it gets lesser. Like a dormant volcano i don't know if i still love you or if i no longer do. You were once my angel, but now you're someone else's angel, i wish you all the best.
