Happiness

Ok this is really really random, but yeah had a talk with one of my good friend, rather draggy but just a thought, i guess i'll share.

HOW TO BE HAPPY
I realized that nowadays most people (including myself, oops) have a tendency to dwell on the unhappy and negative stuff and miss out on the some of the happier things in life, it's a inevitable trait that all humans have, human nature you see. It's always easier to see the holes and what you're missing out in your life instead of what you have. In life nowadays, we're constantly waking up to a world full of uncertainty, doubts, lies, drama, the lack of faith and hope, more often, this has shaped people to have negative mindsets. I've lost so many people in my life, that i always had this mindset "i've already lost so many, losing another one doesn't make a difference" and that explains why i'm always so ready to let people walk out of my life, and in turn consoling myself by how much better i'll fare without them, because i believe i complete myself and i won't ever need anyone else to complete me. This is my hard way of learning and thru this few years i've received so much comments from others saying that i'm always putting my strong front on or i'm heartless or whatsoever. But really, everyone has their own weak and vulnerable side, it's just whether they show it or not. Taking love & relationships for instance, everyday, without fail at least 95% of the tweets i see on my timeline in twitter falls under the category of love. And 90% out of these 95% of them, are girls/boys being upset over their relationships or over the person they love. After going through ups and downs in my r/s, I've honestly learnt alot.

1. Relationships are NOT meant to be perfect, its completely normal to have fights or arguments, a fight once in awhile is healthy for the r/s.
2. Do not rely on someone for your own happiness or future. Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean that that person's gonna take care of you, be responsible for yourself, hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
3. You must trust your partner. Trust in a important factor in a relationship and w/o trust, you two shouldn't even be together. Learn to build up the trust and not do things to break your partner's trust in you. Years to earn, seconds to break.
4. Learn to compromise with one another. You shouldn't be selfish and insist you're right all the time, neither should you be the one who's constantly giving in.
5. Forgive, and learn to apologise and change for the better. Sorry doesn't mean anything and actions speaks louder than words, so make sure a change for the better is seen
6. Understand, support and encourage each other.
7. Communication is key. Communicating helps clear doubts, insecurities and it helps both parties to understand each other.
8. Be appreciative, grateful and learn to cherish one another. Don't flirt.
9. Respect between each other,
10. Lastly, love each other unconditionally

Looking back, i realize i actually do have alot to be grateful for. Never thought being the usual apathetic and headstrong person i am, i would actually try to appreciate the things i have in life. Yes i do have alot to be grateful for, but i really never put in a single thought of how much the simplest things have brought happiness into my life. "You'll embrace happiness when your heart learns to let go of the pain" I know that this temporary bliss is not going to last me for long, and sooner or later i'll be back to my usual self, only considering my own feelings and thinking about how much better i'll fare even without the people i love, but then again, just wanted to record this temporary happiness of mine before it slips away.

But then again, i really thank god for letting me meet this special person. I love you ♥

Long forgotten

♥ ♥ ♥Guess this is one of those nights where my mind wanders off on its own again, i have absolutely no understanding of my feelings. This is getting crazy. One moment i'm telling myself i shouldn't get attached to people, that everyone and everything around me is temporary and that nothing lasts forever despite how much you want it to last, knowing that i could lose possibly everything one day i have if fate isn't on my side and that i have to rely on myself for my own happiness and future. I always doubt the people who tells me that they'll be with me through out it all, words are just words aren't they? Its not like i haven't had my fair share of experiences. Time and time again, i've been countlessly let down. Over and over again. I've gotten so used to the disappointments, it still hurts but i've learnt how to endure it, afterall its not like i'm the only one suffering. I've kept so much to myself i find it so difficult to open up anymore. I've got so many things i want to say, to the people i care for/love, but my fear of getting hurt always triumphs.

Yet another part of me wants to hold on tightly to everything i have right now because i never know when i would lose everything and everyone, and as much as it hurts to be constantly let down, i want a reason to believe and trust in people. I don't know how much longer i can keep strong for, everyday's just a constant battle between my head and heart, trying my best to keep it in me. I'm scared of disappointment, of hurt, of the pain, of the memories, of the thought of how happy i used to be, everything is a just a horrible and harsh reminder to myself to never let anyone close enough to hurt me anymore. I'm so sick and tired of keeping my hopes up and being positive, what the point? Everytime someone makes me believe i can trust them, within the next minute, they do something to destroy my trust in them, that eventually leads to proving my judgement of "trusting people will cause you to be disappointed" right, resulting in me distancing myself from them. Its like the same old vicious cycle all over again.

The worst part is knowing that i just have to keep my strong and calm image and be immune towards everything, to never let my weak, vulnerable side of me to get the better of me. "Do not let my feelings clash with my ability to think rationally", and yet people say i'm insensitive and preoccupied in my own selfish world to bother with others. I mean i have my own share of problems and i can handle that by myself so why do i need to lament about my problems all day just to seek for attention and pity from the people around me? Just because i don't say or show it doesn't mean its not happening or that i don't feel anything. It's just that i'm able to keep my emotions in check, doesn't mean that i'm leading such a painless life. I can fully relate to this: "I'm not heartless, i've just learnt to use my heart less". I find it so utterly ridiculous how the people i barely know can always manage to notice my insecurities and my pain and try to understand me, while the people closest to me always seem to be oblivious. And all thats happening is causing me to doubt the life i've been leading, and i can't help feeling how much i would give everything up right now just to restart my life all over again. Selfish thought i know, but if you were in my shoes, would you have made the same decision that i made? The past used to be so much prettier, but i don't want to linger and be trapped in there anymore.