Tearing at the seams.

Feels like a million empty years has enveloped me. No longer the once happy and joyous girl I used to be, my soul has turned cold and numb, so tired and weary. Just waiting for each day to pass never taking into account anything that goes on in each day of my life. I've lost all the fight and drive in me and now all I want to do is to retire and seek solace in a quiet and peaceful place.

Realized that I think too much for my own good, even when I'm tired and mad as fuck, I still stay calm and collected. But I can hardly deny the endless amount of incessant thoughts that run through my mind and drive me crazy. It's easy to see that so much has changed in the short span of 12 months. Everytime I think back on how detached and apathetic I've grown to be, I can't help feeling sad. Sometimes I wish I wasn't born me, I might have been spared from all these emotions. No doubt I've grown stronger through all these bad experiences but undoubtedly ive never been once truly joyous after. I'm just a mess, a broken promise and my parents product of love; their worst mistake. Never have I been so demotivated, dejected, disheartened, and disappointed. Not to mention that fate has constantly been against me. Oh we'll I hope this year passes soon, I'm so close to giving up. All I need now is the music and the cold night breeze. God, please lead the way, I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I'm on the right track. I feel so lost.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=KGrM1sh-8pE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DKGrM1sh-8pE My fav song at the moment, old but yes.